What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 01:14
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
When she asked me how she looked .
She was in good health!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He resisted the act ,that day.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
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He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Can I bring a tub of whey protein to the airport?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why do people love to live alone in a house?
I will be 64.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was seconnd youngest,
How do I get a white man for a serious relationship?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
What is the boldest and craziest thing your mother has ever done for you?
Would this be the day?
I waited trembling.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I see lots of pictures of women who have huge clits are they real or what?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
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We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
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I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But, we were locked up after school.
I write beautiful poetry .
What are some things you do for your form of self-care?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We all went to grammer schools
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I could never make a relationship work though!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She found it foreign!.
But it wasn’t much.
I was 9 years of age.
I think the readers, may guess!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was very sick at this time too.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I have no regrets .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
This is soul school!.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Who then, do I blame.?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Put me off passion for life!!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
It was going to be , some day.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I don,t even have a pension.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And i lived it daily.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im still living with it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I said to her
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She loved him until the end.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So, i spoilt her more .
One cannot live in the past .
Was to survive, this bastard.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She wouldn,t have been !
I was scared of men, in general
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He knew the spot.
We were not on the streets..
My life is so biszare .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What did i know ?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why did i forgive my father ?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
All the time i was locked up.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ive learnt so much.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So whats the point in blame.
My family never makes their pension either.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
(And it was in our own minds.)
She married twice! .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Comes on , in middle age.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!